over all not one of the best days i've ever had. in 8th hour my friend courtney and i were talking about how she had a crush on this one guy. i told her to tell someone who's kind of a gossip to get it going around so the rumour would get back to him and he'd ask her out. the guy she likes is nice, from what i know and is the kind of person who would be excited to find out that someone likes him. so courtney said "no, what if he thinks i'm ugly?"

i say, "courtney, why would anyone think you're ugly? you're one of the most beautiful people i know, on the inside and the outside."

she says, "well, a lot of people think i'm ugly." which is so not true, i've never ever heard anyone call her ugly. courtney has had this problem with her self esteem ever since she was a little girl and it's made her think that all that matters is looks. so i try to watch out for her, to help things go better for her, and it never quite works out the way i plan it to. so this guy rodney heard our conversation and was like "who do you have a crush on?"

before i could think, i blurted out his name really quickly and courtney looked at me like she had just been slapped in the face. she got up and walked to the other side of the gym to sit down. so i said "shit" under my breath and i walked over to her. i told her that i only said this outloud because i wanted to help her, and if it got back to him he would probably shit his pants in a fit of joy because someone likes him. i know when i said that, i sound kind of like a bitch..i really don't know why i blurted his name. she told me in confidence that she liked him..well, she's told about 7 people and i bet one of them has already blabbed about it..but i feel bad about it. so i apologized about 2 more times and she just kept walking away. so i thought to myself "okay, if she doesn't want to accept my apology, then i'm not going to run back to her a beg for forgivness." in my eyes, i kind of see begging to be forgiven as weakness or being kind of a little stupid..i know i sound like a bitch.

so we went to practice after school and we just talked to each other because we needed to for some things in cheering. so i went home and we ended up going out to eat and i told my mom my sister had been texting and driving, which made me feel unsafe in the car, and my mom ended up taking away my sisters phone. i hate having to be a tattletail but i just hate it when people are stupid and text when driving. sometimes when i'm riding down the interstate, i see people in other cars at the wheel and they're reading a book. it's ridiculous.

so i've been to the Y for a grand total of one time and already i can't go anymore. it's 5 dollars to get in each time and since i'm 14, i can't get a job, which means no money for me. my mom said "you already get a workout from cheerleading!" which is true, but not the kind of workout i would get from lifting weights. i need to gain muscle in order to get a REAL workout in cheering. i need my arms and abs to be more fit. so once my mom grounded my sister, my sister says her usual, "i'm never driving you anywhere again, you're a little brat, just because you're immature and get upset that i don't want to go to church doesn't mean you have to ruin it for me, you always mess up everything" and so on. she's totally missing the point too, it's actually her who's messing it up for herself but just isn't mature enough to take responsibility, which is ironic, because she always says i'm immature. i've been told by many people that i'm more mature than my older sister.

i hate not having a job. i hate having a sister that makes me feel bad all of the time. i hate having my friends take my sisters side over mine just because she's older and "cooler". i hate sounding like a bitch everytime i type one more key into the keyboard.

basketball cheerleading morning practice is the worst. i get so hot and sweaty and disgusting and our coach won't even let us get a drink sometimes..i felt like i was gonna throw up. i swear i have asthma because i get out of breath so quickly and it hurts me to breathe. i'll talk to my mom about it.

you know how people always say "if that happened, i'd probably shoot myself." ? well, people should really really think before they speak. my dad killed himself on the night of february 25th, 2001. they don't know how much hurt it brings to people's lifes..their families..it all falls apart. and i know the person who says it is just kidding but seriously, could you at least think it over before you say something like that? it's like people who make cancer or AIDS jokes. you don't know people's backgrounds, so don't joke about serious issues. i've even tried to off myself a few times and i will never, ever go down that road again. people just don't realize..

election day. woo.

i sat through school with my peers constantly talking about how they hate barack obama and would hate it if he won and how if he's president he's gonna bring all of the muslims in and kill everyone. they're so ignorant. well, i actually don't know who i'm for. i want things to be just the way they are because it's been like this for ever since i can remember. abortions are legal, we can have guns, and poopy economy. except for the economy part, i'm not sure if i'm ready for a change. i've never experienced a democratic president before and i don't know if it will be change for the good or change for the bad if barack obama is our new president. i like barack obama better than john mccain as a person, though. he just has stage presence and so much pride about him..unlike friggin bush. during the olympics bush sat slouched in his chair with his legs spread apart and he yawned and looked at his watch. um, excuse me? aren't you supposed to be our president, the representative of the united states? foreigners probably think all americans are idiots because of him.

i got my hair cut today. it's so adorable. awww, my dog just flopped his head on my lap. he's a cutie. ...anywho, my hair used to be a little above my boobs, which is no hairstyle at all..my hair is a natural auburn color so it's not just really one color. it's red, brown, and blonde all in one. but now, my hair is a little above my shoulders, thinned and layered. i love it so much. i've always looked better with shorter hair than long hair..long hair tends to drag my face down.

so, today's been not that interesting. i'm going to watch a bit of the elections tonight. mom's bring home mcdonald's.

i hope the best man becomes the new president of the united states.